The less I use my smartphone, the more I notice how much it drains me when I do. The reason for this is simple: I get drawn into a state of heightened focus where I am not really focussing on anything of value at all. This is by design - and problematic, because my capacity is limited.
I have always struggled to accept that my energy is finite. When I have used some of it up, say to scroll on my phone, it is gone for the moment or even the day. It can not be used for something else. So is my time or my time-being - time never being something we "have" in first place.
It is easy to fall for the illusion that a future exists where we are in control, and on top of things. In work, but also in normal life. So we begin to rush, especially in moments where it would be better to slow down. We tell ourselves we are multitasking efficiently - even though we can't - and feel like life slips by us.
So the question I have begun to ask myself is: "given that I am here, what is the one thing that matters most right now"? This has made a big difference to how I feel about my day. I acknowledge that I need to prioritize. I have to choose. While this seems uncomfortable at first, it ultimately brings ease. Finishing this essay, or having breakfast? Going to Aikido or going to bed early?
As you see, these choices are not always between "thing I don't want to do" and "thing I want to do". Often I have to choose between two things I want to do, or two things I don't want to do, that are still important in some way.
I used to ask myself something along these lines at work in the ICU, especially when stuff got hectic. It brings you back to calm waters. But for that, I have to accept that there is stuff that will not get done. Stuff that might actually matter.
Asking myself about the one thing that matters now takes into account where and how I am. It means I realize that I can not be in two places at once, neither physically nor in my head. I can not be there for my toddler and their big feelings and do the dishes at the same time. I can not sleep, and read a book cover to cover even though I really want to. I take responsibility, being there - for one thing at a time.