There is a difference between having an insight and living an insight - and this can be frustrating. More often than not, I have come to have some sort of deeper understanding (say, about my patterns around parenting) - and yet struggled to actually implement my understanding in real life.
So how can we bridge this gap?
I have found learning with the body to be useful - and yet it is often neglected. We are used to a dualistic way of looking at body and mind with an emphasis on the mind, on analysis and cognitive understanding. Looking at how we learn at school and later at work, learning with the body or through movement is mostly discouraged - so it does not come second nature to us anymore.
I don´t think body and mind can be viewed separately. So when talking about learning with the body, I include the mind. It is an intriguing kind of understanding, that does not begin "in our heads". We can use our bodies for gaining insight, and also for experimenting with change. Being more embodied gives me space to make decisions that are not governed by old reactionary patterns.
To take a simplified example from martial arts practice, if my partner attacks me, my usual pattern would be to avoid said attack, or to become defensive and block aggressively. This applies to real life as well. Now even though this might still be my default reaction (which is not "bad" or "wrong", just ineffective), I can practice receiving the attack - without absorbing it - and standing behind my response. I can take a physically stable and relaxed stance and move with intent (in this case with my attacker), even if I am not sure that I have mastered the technique. I can embody balance, even if I feel unsure - and respond from there.
Likewise, if I am arguing with my partner at home, I have a tendency to either shy away and try to avoid and harmonize or become defensive-aggressive. So I can ask myself: what would it feel like, to stand behind (physically) what I am saying or doing? I can chose a more uplifted posture and relax my core. As a result, I stop rushing to reply. Often, if we are not sure, we rush - as if that would hide our insecurities. From here, I am (mostly) able to chose a more measured response.
I don´t have to be perfect. My patterns are what they are. They actually used to serve some purpose, or else they would not be part of me - for now. This is how I can work with them, instead of against them - because without practice, in any acute situation they will override all good intentions.
Rather than getting frustrated because I am not living up to my expectations (such as "not snap at my child" or "not engage in an unnecessary fight with x") learning through the body gives me something tangible to work with. I can use my body to find a physical reference point, even if I am metaphorically thrown off. I can change a physical aspect of my being to embody a certain quality (such as kindness or patience), while my first instinct would be to feel irritated, frustrated or scared. Essentially, I am taking into account the imperfect and limited mortal being that I am, and still give myself a small space that allows me to chose if and how to act.